The last few days have been hard. My emotions have put me on one big rollercoaster; UP and down, and UP and down.
Friday was the hardest.
Kent went back to work and I was left alone for the 1st time in 10 years. Parker always keeps me company when I’m home. I think the loneliness has been one of the hardest things to stomach. It’s going to take some time.
Abby (our Chihuahua) has been in a bit of a funk. Parker was the leader and she followed his every move. He was her safety zone.
Abby comes from an abusive home and is supper skittish due to her past. Without Parker she has become more fearful even jumping when Kent and I make a quick move. Her potty breaks have been nonexistent. When we let her outside she just stays on the porch. She used to only go potty when Parker was out with her. Thank the lord that she also uses indoor potty pads or we would have a lot of mess on our hands. Leaving Abby home alone has been hard. She now starts whining and tries to rush out the door when we leave. Kent says it’s because she doesn’t want to be left alone. That breaks my heart.
She is adjusting just as we are.
I started feeling more like myself on Saturday. I could talk about what happened without crying. I could look at Parker’s favorite toy, his food and water bowls, or the place he used to sleep without breaking down.
I still think I hear him bark every now and then and look for him when I open my eyes in the morning. He used to sleep on the floor next to my side of the bed. The 1st thing I did every morning was look for him. I still do it, out of habit I guess. Maybe my brain is still trying to grasp reality.
We planted a tree in Parker’s honor that we now refer to as “Parker’s Tree”. It makes me happy. Kent pulled Parker’s sign out of one of our flower beds and placed it under the tree making sure I can see it when I look out the kitchen window.
Kent has been such a rock for me. I’m so grateful to have such an amazing man in my life. I had clients come to the house on Friday for a newborn shoot. He insisted that I get some sleep and offered to pick the house up for me. Knowing that he had a 1am work call I felt awful having him clean but he wouldn’t take no for an answer. When I walked down the stairs the next morning the whole house was spotless.
Knowing just how much I love Parker Kent has always been fearful of the day that we would have to go through this. He hurts when I hurt but I couldn’t ask for better support. He’s been amazing and is the reason I’m doing so well today.
We’ve had so much support from friends and family members; daily phone calls, text, cards, and flowers. Many of them loved Parker. They’ve cried right along with us. It warms my heart knowing how much he was loved not only by Kent and I but people that knew him as well. He was just one of those fun loving dogs that made everyone feel like they were his best friend. Parker loved people more than dogs.
My heart still hurts and I break down every now and then but I’m laughing and smiling again. I miss him. I think I’ll always miss him but I know every day things will get easier.
Thank you so much for all the sweet and encouraging comments. They mean a lot. I’m going to print them out and add them to my Project Life album so I can cherish them forever.
If you missed the post about Parker’s passing you can get caught up by clicking: HERE